Thursday, August 14, 2008
So even before we had the baby I always wrestled with how parents love their kids more than other peoples kids. It is not a bad thing at all. It is normal. But there is something in me that resists this. It is not that I don't love my baby more than others, because I do. There is a love growing in me, increasing each day, for this precious little life that God has entrusted to us. It is a love that is greater than my love for other little precious children. That's just how it is. But still something seems slightly off with this. The ultimate Creator of my daughter Isabella loves her and values her life just as much as every single little child on the entire earth, of every race, gender, and religion, poor or rich, evil or good, child of terrorist or not. There is something about this reality that compels me to feel the same way. I want to feel this same way. But I'd be lying if I said I did. I guess God has given Melissa and I this one life to take care of and nurture, to care for and love in a way that is different than the other billion children producing poopy diapers. But I can't help but desire to have and express the love my Creator has for all life, whether or not my blood flows through his/her veins. I think this has something to do with the call of Jesus to rethink what real family is. It is less a matter of flesh and blood and more a matter of the love one has for his God and other people, and how this love manifests itself in a life of obedience to the Maker of all things. LORD, grant me this eternal kind of love and courage.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Night and day, the normal indicators separating time into nice categories, don't really apply to my life right now. They haven't totally been eliminated. I still try to "go to sleep" at night when it is dark. But it doesn't usually happen like this. Changing diapers in the middle of the night cramps the sleeping style a bit. Time is more like a continuous 24 hour cycle, with the appearance of the sun and the moon less significant than normal. But I am actually enjoying it right now. I guess I should take advantage of this, because I know it won't last forever. But I am ok waking up in the middle of the night to be with my sweet baby daughter and help her with what she needs. And I know this helps my beautiful wife as well. I have a sense there is more to it than this, that this is Someone showing me what it means to be alive, to embrace each moment for the beauty and sacredness it possesses. This is what makes life life.