tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65721224281399453072024-03-18T21:28:45.640-07:00Learning to LiveJeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6572122428139945307.post-11996759763133336352009-04-21T07:11:00.001-07:002009-04-21T07:16:09.119-07:00Circle of TrustI'm going to Seattle in a couple hours for a Circle of Trust Retreat. Sounds kind of silly maybe, certainly if you have seen the movie "Meet the Parents." I think it sounds kind of cool. My guy Parker Palmer started The Center for Courage and Renewal. He is all about connecting true self and vocation, who we are with what you do. I'm all about that to. Trying to figure it out. It is fun doing this most of the time. Pretty exciting, not knowing exactly what the future holds but believing it is good and exciting. It is frustrating and depressing at times. But not horrible. Maybe puts me in a day funk at the most. So here is the next couple of days: 11 other people I don't know at a retreat center in Federal Way WA. Being in a safe environment where my soul, my self, my inner voice can feel free to speak to me. Hopefully it does. Hopefully I have the ears and heart (courage) to hear. It's not always pleasant news that comes from the inner voice. But it is always good news.Jeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6572122428139945307.post-69864263285090683102009-04-09T08:23:00.000-07:002009-04-09T08:41:08.158-07:00The StoryThe story of the exodus of Egypt informed Israel of who they were (and are), what they were doing (and are), where they were going, who was leading them there... All the important questions. This was their salvation. Their salvation provided the impetus and framework for them to be who their God was calling them to be. This was the story they lived in and under. To this day millions of Jews celebrate the Passover in remembrance of the slavery and redemption of their ancestors. This story still shapes their identity and peoplehood. I was able to participate in a Passover Seder last night. It was great. And refreshing. It invited me into an amazing story, invited me to let this story become my own and tell me who I am and how I might navigate my existence. Now I know the exodus was a specific historical act and carries great significance as the salvation of Israel in that moment (and today). But it is more. During the Seder I couldn't help but think about the millions of people who are held in slavery and bondage today, just as the Israelites were back then. And when you hear YHWH say that Israel should now be people who welcome and help the alien among them because they used to be aliens and slaves in a foreign land...I couldn't help but think that abolishing slavery now might be of the same importance to God as it was back then. Oppression and slavery of humans has not somehow become a peripheral, secondary concern for the Creator of humanity. YHWH says to Israel (essentially) "you are my people and I have redeemed you from slavery. Now go do the same." Jesus comes saying (essentially) "you know how Israel is the people of YHWH. Well, now all are. Those ancestors freed from slavery are in some way now your ancestors. That story is your story. So act like it. Oh and to show you that I'm serious about this, and that YHWH loves and is inviting all people into this great story, I'm gonna offer all salvation, from yourselves and the destructive stories you can't seem to break free from. You are slaves (to yourselves, to sin, whatever name it might go by) who are supposed to be free. Now live like it." YHWH give me the strength to live like it.Jeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6572122428139945307.post-25479542690294547712009-03-19T07:56:00.001-07:002009-03-19T19:06:31.146-07:00Reality: Love it or Leave it?Reality can be harsh.<br />The alternative is not living in reality. This certainly feels better most of the time. Maybe acting like someone I am not or faking I can do something I can't or shouldn't do. It's interesting that we call people "insane" or "crazy" who walk down the street talking to themselves, but not people who damage themselves and others around them by being someone they are not and doing something they shouldn't be doing. This is crazy. Our society is insane. At least people with voices in their head rarely do harm to others...I think. And yet we applaud and reward people who strive after some sort of "dream" or ideal kind of life, all the while destroying their own souls and usually those of the people around them. Excuse my language but this is totally f*^!#d up.<br />I want to live in reality.<br />In order to take steps toward this I have asked trusted voices in my life to share things with me. Positive and negative. What am I good at? In what contexts do you see me most alive? What are my growth areas? Honestly, the positive feedback is way less helpful than the "constructive criticism." I pretty much know what I am good at and feel pretty good about myself. But when someone offers suggestions in growth areas based on stuff they have seen in real life, in reality, it can be easy to retreat into the dream world. But I won't. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment, but these words of suggested growth have been like food to my soul. Now comes the digestion part. That is not always as easy as the swallowing part for me. But I'm doing it.<br />I want to live in reality.Jeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6572122428139945307.post-49310540758471187572009-03-14T08:14:00.000-07:002009-03-14T08:31:59.047-07:00Often times it becomes very apparent that I am not as mentally/emotionally/relationally healthy as I think I am. Certainly not as much as I would like to be. The stark reality of my selfishness becomes too obvious. I could just fake like it doesn't exist. Oh wouldn't that be nice. This selfishness makes itself known when you have a child I think. At least it did for me. But it also rears its ugly head at other times in other relationships. And these times it is more difficult to handle because it causes pain to the other person. Of course my sweet little baby doesn't really know that I would rather do my own thing than soothe her crying body by entirely focusing on her (though I really do enjoy doing this most of the time). I don't know, maybe when I let her cry for a while (like at this moment) she is in some sort of emotional pain that I am somehow allowing to happen. But I think her memory is short. Milk soothes her soul. But the other relationships are different. I think the selfishness shows itself in my inability to really get outside of my own perspective and enter into someone elses. I assume the other person is like me. Thinks like me, handles things like me, processes things like me. Fortunately for the world this is not really the case. I mean I like myself, and think I'm doing a good job, but too many of me (or anyone for that matter) and the world would suck. It takes a lot for someone to make me feel bad. I don't get hurt real deeply real easily. It happens, don't get me wrong. But I feel pretty good about myself so if I think someone is full of crap and is spewing it all over me I won't let it get to me. I think maybe this is a good thing? But not everyone is like this. And if I go about my relational business as though the other person is like me, and they are not, I am setting myself up to be a destroyer of souls. And when this happens insensitivty is what rules, not love. Forgive me LORD.Jeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6572122428139945307.post-23215356733035643842009-03-05T16:24:00.000-08:002009-03-10T06:10:50.906-07:00abstract doctrine vs Living ForceDuring my listening time yesterday morning, I had some thoughts. All to often we think of God in terms of abstract character traits, part of this massive, nice and neat system of doctrinal thought. This is weird. And I think it can be lethal to our souls. When I see someone doing something extraordinarily nice, I don't think of this person in terms of an abstract character trait. I say to myself, "That was loving. That was an act of love. That person is loving. The Force of Love was just made manifest over there." It is real. It just happened. Its effects shook the ground and will reverberate from that moment into the future. Reality as we know it will never be the same. Why do we think of the Creator in terms of abstract character traits, creating nice systematic, all-encompassing doctrines that make The One somewhat hamstringed by our well thought out schema. I am choosing, or trying to choose, or at least hoping to try to choose, not to live to closely to this box. I can see it, which might be a good thing, but the false reality that is generated by this box -- Lord help me to be free from it. Instead, let me see You. The Love. The Compassion. The Mercy. The Whisper. When I see a brother of mine help a sister of mine who is down and out - there You are. The Love has shown up. The Compassion has been revealed. Even if all involved are oblivious, I will embrace the reality that in that moment The Mercy was a force that couldn't be contained. And in that moment reality was created. The world received a taste of redemption. Maybe that was partially what was meant by "The Word became flesh." The abstract doctrine became Living Force - not that It hasn't always been a Living Force. But Jesus makes this painstankingly obvious. He was a human person walking around in real space and time, not a collection of abstract character traits walking around in real space and time. And The Love showed up in unexpected ways. "You just don't touch lepors. Everyone knows that is a sin." "Clearly he doesn't know this woman is a prostitute or he wouldn't assocate with her." One of the Teacher's closest friends was able to say "God is love" because he saw The Love intentionally walk up to a cross and let himself be murdered. May The One grant us the eyes to see and the ears to hear The Love in our midst. To The Living Force be the honor, and power, and glory forever. Amen.Jeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6572122428139945307.post-87484552697236106862009-03-04T08:00:00.000-08:002009-03-04T08:15:01.081-08:00The WhisperJust some quick context. As a continuation of a discernment process toward discovering my true self and vocation, I am spending 30 minutes each morning listening for The Whisper, specifically in response to the question "Who Am I?"<br />I received something this morning. It did not come in the form of an audible voice. Never has for me. Wouldn't that be nice. But I know it was The Voice, not mine. It told me I am a "forgiverer." That's how I first heard it. I don't think that is a word. Maybe "forgiver" is. I guess correct grammar is less important here. But it came as a statement of reality. I am one who forgives. I feel like this is partially why I know it came from The Whisper. I wouldn't normally be thinking with some great certitude that I am a forgiver. I think I am. I strive to be. So I believe the Voice. But at the same time it is not the way I would naturally describe myself is someone told me to list 5 traits about myself. I sensed that The Whisper led me on a thought process that next said, "You are a forgiver...so act like it." And then, "You are this way because you have been forgiven." Thank YOU for this.Jeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6572122428139945307.post-72102374077136064082009-03-02T09:37:00.000-08:002009-03-02T18:27:48.026-08:00Experiments in TruthAlong with about 30 friends, I am committing myself over the next 40 days to take some intentional steps toward becoming a more healthy and whole human being.<br /><br />1) Body experiment<br />We are bodily based spiritual beings. We know no existence outside of the body we have been given. Let's get used to it. Even in a moment of ecstatic spiritual bliss, it is taking place inside this body. Even if it feels like we have gotten "outside" of ourselves for a time, we soon come back to earth, back to our body. There is no getting away from it. And that is an okay thing, and probably a good thing, if we can learn to embrace it. In an effort to do just this, and enter into a deeper awareness of how my body is connected with my spirit, mind, and soul, I am committing to the follow practices:<br /> Monday/Friday - Circuit Training, Core, Stretching<br /> Tuesday/Thursday - Pilates<br />Wednesday - Stretching<br />Saturday - Run, Stretching<br /> Vegan diet<br /><br />2) Identity<br />A large part of the broken and jacked up ness in our world is due to the fact that we, human beings, don't know who we are. Taken to the level of the individual, we allow too many false voices to inform us as to who we are. The result is a schizophrenia of sorts, just one that is less visible then the man walking down the street talking to himself. But it is no less real, and potentially even more destructive. In my own life, I all to often let the false voice of Deception rob me from embracing and living into my true self. In light of my longing to know who I am, I cam committing to the following:<br />30 minutes of listening every weekday morning, specifically asking the question "Who am I" and anticipating the Whisper.<br />Extended prayer time each Monday morning.<br />Extended time of silence and solitude each Friday morning.<br /><br />ShalomJeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6572122428139945307.post-30136505760416615132009-02-26T16:57:00.000-08:002009-02-26T23:52:57.374-08:00In The SilenceThis past weekend I went on a silent retreat with a group of 10 friends. Very interesting time. I love this kind of time. It feeds my soul. But it can also be quite frustrating :-). Here are some words that came to my mind.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"> In the silence my mind goes, it flows, wandering to and fro.<br /> The thoughts of my beating heart, the feelings of my delicate soul.<br /> Yearning to be heard, longing to be lived, they are speaking to me.<br /> Cutting through and breaking down this callous wall that is<br /> The stuff that seeks to suffocate the Spirit within.<br /> They are telling me who I am.<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Father, son, brother, husband, companion, friend, mentor, neighbor, teacher, inspirer, beloved child.<br />Love, light, compassion, mercy, patience, justice, truth, strength, courage, faith, hope and love.<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I hear the whisper.<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">"These are yours. This is you. Take it and make it who you will be and what you will do.<br />Trust me, believe that I know what is best, that I will give you rest,<br />That I am wooing you with open arms into my ever expanding chest.<br />Follow me. Your soul is safe here, your body will be refreshed.<br /><div style="text-align: center;">Your spirit and mind I will shape to be of a different kind<br />than you even know, as you grow, to be more like me."<br /></div>In the silence my mind goes, it flows, wandering to and fro.<br /><br /></div>Jeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6572122428139945307.post-39694372348218938442008-11-01T12:49:00.001-07:002008-11-01T14:11:09.882-07:00Ignorance IS Bliss<span style="font-weight: bold; font-family: arial;">It's true. Life is a lot more blissful when we don't realize how absolutely jacked (insert any four letter word of your choice) up it is. I became overwhelmed earlier today by this reality. Maybe it was just a funk I was in. Maybe it was the Creator meeting me at a place of deep longing for me; that I would see and love the world and people as He does. But then I ask myself do I really want this? Breaking this ignorance will be the opposite of bliss. I was at a coffee shop and asked the barista if they had any fair trade coffee. She looked at me like I was speaking Chinese (we are in Birmingham right now; they don't speak Chinese here). She had no idea what that meant. Surprisingly to me, a co-worker of hers did. She went to ask her manager if they had any. The did not; but they did have "American coffee" which was not "really bad." (There is probably some truth to this. If the whole coffee-bean-growing-picking process really did take place only in America it is a lot less likely folks were being enslaved). But I wasn't exactly sure what "American coffee" was. Then we were enjoying the Homecoming Parade before the Bama football game. It was my first time to see it (but not my first time to see a game there). It was designed to be a time of celebration. I was having a hard time getting into a celebratory mood. I couldn't stop thinking about the reality of millions of people in bondage at that very moment. Some of it a result of my ignorance or my unwillingness to embrace the reality that my decisions are affecting their lives. (By the way, I decided not to get the coffee.) Thousands of people being tortured, raped, oppressed; the exact opposite of the reality I was experiencing at that very moment. It was kind of bizarre. Kind of heart-breaking. Kind of a feeling of hopelessness. Mostly a feeling of deep sadness and mourning. This is not the Creator's dream for His creation. I wish I could forget it all.</span>Jeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6572122428139945307.post-25982828958001944772008-10-27T16:19:00.000-07:002008-11-01T14:10:37.069-07:00Life...Abundant<a style="font-weight: bold;" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEnWteHQYG0lQGwjxPz6Yl2iX9ZOKgr-2F3C0wlCeNaffU0Hh7CpMfloSAAOGOt7i-RwmuEaAi80ZpA3oC3ycO6GeqBi8y38g3PnWeZyflGc7gJoRFC5ZK3oppwlh8tvEE38CEgUtf93M/s1600-h/IMG_2030.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 276px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEnWteHQYG0lQGwjxPz6Yl2iX9ZOKgr-2F3C0wlCeNaffU0Hh7CpMfloSAAOGOt7i-RwmuEaAi80ZpA3oC3ycO6GeqBi8y38g3PnWeZyflGc7gJoRFC5ZK3oppwlh8tvEE38CEgUtf93M/s320/IMG_2030.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5263799068886317346" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">At times I am overwhelmed by the preciousness of life. This happens when I look at or think of my daughter, and how small she is, and how precious this time is, and how big she will be some day. I want to embrace and just soak up every moment.</span>Jeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6572122428139945307.post-53305632182524183312008-10-17T11:09:00.000-07:002008-10-17T11:11:08.800-07:00On Being a DadBeing a dad is amazing. Sometimes it is just too much for me to handle when I look at her. I just want to cry. What a powerful set of emotions.Jeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6572122428139945307.post-59807902035319727772008-08-14T16:47:00.001-07:002008-11-01T14:21:34.250-07:00One of billions...but oh so precious<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbZ1fZ1ErSILF-tnxrugquMhJpE6TizAqEf4VLlUtxxwSBwyJMQAj3Ofn8G9eJonrn9yV3qcvsyOiIN-v2ASV3VMNsUtLC09UOc2K99uy62PPUmDfZkF0vl6DDggkOrZSani0xRGeH7_4/s1600-h/IMG_0980.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 134px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbZ1fZ1ErSILF-tnxrugquMhJpE6TizAqEf4VLlUtxxwSBwyJMQAj3Ofn8G9eJonrn9yV3qcvsyOiIN-v2ASV3VMNsUtLC09UOc2K99uy62PPUmDfZkF0vl6DDggkOrZSani0xRGeH7_4/s200/IMG_0980.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5263802260996324386" border="0" /></a><br />So even before we had the baby I always wrestled with how parents love their kids more than other peoples kids. It is not a bad thing at all. It is normal. But there is something in me that resists this. It is not that I don't love my baby more than others, because I do. There is a love growing in me, increasing each day, for this precious little life that God has entrusted to us. It is a love that is greater than my love for other little precious children. That's just how it is. But still something seems slightly off with this. The ultimate Creator of my daughter Isabella loves her and values her life just as much as every single little child on the entire earth, of every race, gender, and religion, poor or rich, evil or good, child of terrorist or not. There is something about this reality that compels me to feel the same way. I want to feel this same way. But I'd be lying if I said I did. I guess God has given Melissa and I this one life to take care of and nurture, to care for and love in a way that is different than the other billion children producing poopy diapers. But I can't help but desire to have and express the love my Creator has for all life, whether or not my blood flows through his/her veins. I think this has something to do with the call of Jesus to rethink what real family is. It is less a matter of flesh and blood and more a matter of the love one has for his God and other people, and how this love manifests itself in a life of obedience to the Maker of all things. LORD, grant me this eternal kind of love and courage.Jeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6572122428139945307.post-66737844425829393282008-08-05T21:25:00.000-07:002008-08-05T22:42:06.365-07:00Night and day.......and night........and day<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC_8CjoUMOg9zzx4QMVXLGZUcpp3bR6NeKrp97GRP8iy90P3DykRH-5fc-fXj6QAl5fZdJdI3_hxGSlxe-3OjNycVECPb8cK_K9SdM3NX-tbPaJMa0tECQPLtccGRCABK0xFi_6VTfASs/s1600-h/IMG_0981-1.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC_8CjoUMOg9zzx4QMVXLGZUcpp3bR6NeKrp97GRP8iy90P3DykRH-5fc-fXj6QAl5fZdJdI3_hxGSlxe-3OjNycVECPb8cK_K9SdM3NX-tbPaJMa0tECQPLtccGRCABK0xFi_6VTfASs/s320/IMG_0981-1.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5231259516776944514" /></a><br />Night and day, the normal indicators separating time into nice categories, don't really apply to my life right now. They haven't totally been eliminated. I still try to "go to sleep" at night when it is dark. But it doesn't usually happen like this. Changing diapers in the middle of the night cramps the sleeping style a bit. Time is more like a continuous 24 hour cycle, with the appearance of the sun and the moon less significant than normal. But I am actually enjoying it right now. I guess I should take advantage of this, because I know it won't last forever. But I am ok waking up in the middle of the night to be with my sweet baby daughter and help her with what she needs. And I know this helps my beautiful wife as well. I have a sense there is more to it than this, that this is Someone showing me what it means to be alive, to embrace each moment for the beauty and sacredness it possesses. This is what makes life life.Jeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6572122428139945307.post-79914224520397722702008-07-29T16:22:00.000-07:002008-07-29T16:49:05.559-07:00We wait no more<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKGnjbsXmcIbI1aCAdxyes_j0PDtfjJzu8SrAkRuuFJF457p2_IhZ6m9nNN49pH3NHEuVEXTtE2SoZQjelX3ROkab7t391sSWXSqyL0vSBkiqKX9ONNoC_9BB6hL4Ci4tWKCsGQdXdJRI/s1600-h/Jeffenamored.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKGnjbsXmcIbI1aCAdxyes_j0PDtfjJzu8SrAkRuuFJF457p2_IhZ6m9nNN49pH3NHEuVEXTtE2SoZQjelX3ROkab7t391sSWXSqyL0vSBkiqKX9ONNoC_9BB6hL4Ci4tWKCsGQdXdJRI/s320/Jeffenamored.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5228586083254858514" /></a><br />Well I officially am a dad. I think the whole thing is still starting to set in. Up to this point it has been quite a whirlwind of action with lots of people around. We went in last Friday night to have Melissa induced. I am glad we did. We were having a hard time making the decision because we did not want to make the wrong decision. The kicker was that I talked to my friend Tom who just the day before had their daughter and he told me that the doctor they were seeing based the due date on their ovulation schedule. If we used that for our due date we would have been 12 days overdue. Kaiser had our due date at the 24th. We had it at the 13th. Maybe it was somewhere in between. But when I came to the realization that if we were at a different doctor then we might have been considered 12 days overdue, the decision was an easy one. It was fun getting admitted and getting into our labor and delivery room. They gave Melissa something to ripen her cervix at 10:30 pm on Friday evening. I actually went to sleep at my brother's house that night in anticipation of a long next day and realizing it would be very helpful if I wasn't also exhausted. Melissa's sister Emily stayed with her in the room. When I showed up the next morning around 8am she was having little contractions, though she could not feel all of them. But they were already very close together between 1.5 - 3 minutes. That never changed throughout the whole laboring process. Well between noon and 3 the contractions started getting really bad. Melissa got something in her IV to help with the pain. She did not want to get an epideral. After numerous hours of painful labor, she finally decided to get an epideral because the pain was simply unbearable. Here is something that became very clear during this whole process. It is very difficult for me to watch her go through immense pain and not be able to do anything about it. When she decided to get the epideral I was totally supportive. Besides the horrible pain (and she has a high tolerance to pain) Mel was also worried that if she didn't get the epideral she might be too exhausted to push when the baby was finally ready. Then the likelihood of a c-section increased and we definitely did not want that. So I was definitely wrong about thinking that the epideral is one simple little shot. I think the guy was messing around in her back for almost 10 minutes, or at least it seemed like that. And during that time she was at 7 cm and having real bad contractions. It was rough. But it was downhill from there. Not even an hour later she was at 10 cm and ready to push. Basically her body just needed to relax so she could go from 7 to 10 cm. She pushed for about 10 minutes and out came our baby daughter (to my surprise, I guess I just always assumed we would be having a boy) Isabella Mackenze at 11:44pm on Saturday evening. One thing I am very glad I did was actually watch my baby being born. A friend of mine said he had watched his and did not recommend it. It was just too much. I am so glad I did. There is something miraculous about watching that (and fairly grotesque too, but I did not see it as that at the time, I think that is what is so powerful about it). So I think I am still coming to grips with the reality that I have a baby daughter. I imagine as a little time goes by and things slow down a bit that it will really hit me. It already is. I just keep wanting to look at her. I also can't wait to see what she is really going to look like, meaning, to me, that she still kind of looks like all babies do which, to me, looks like a boy. I was recently looking at photos of me as a newborn with my mom and I think it was around a month or three months (I can't remember which one) where I could say "oh yeah that looks like me. I can't wait for that. But I can, because I know how fast time will go by and so I will enjoy my baby Bella every moment, savoring each one as a precious gift from the Giver of life.Jeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6572122428139945307.post-86878964167129915492008-06-24T15:34:00.000-07:002008-06-24T16:04:46.703-07:00TransitionI'm not sure if I like transition or not. If I was smart I would. Life as a whole seems to be a time of transition. Whether or not you are on your way to a beautiful place of disembodied bliss (Plato), a glorious new physical existence on some sort of a new earth (Bible?), in the midst of a process of reincarnation, or simply getting old to die and disappear forever, we are all transitioning. I should also like transition because our life seems to be in more of a transition than most, most of the time, certainly right now. A lot of this is by choice. Construction projects lead to frequent moves. Trying to figure out what exactly the Creator is doing with us leads to frequent moves (I guess unless he writes a message in the sky. Haven't been that fortunate yet). I guess I could just say screw it to all of this and just settle somewhere, have a happy, safe life with the wife and kids, doing our own thing. Not a horrible option. But the second that happens is the second I feel the life of God starting to seep out of me, like a leak in a tire, not really a blowout on the highway. I can't do it. But it would be nice to be in a place of "settled transition." That doesn't seem like too much to ask for. It gets tiring wondering what the next step might be, not fully knowing what and where the final destination is that this step is a part of. But then I realize how silly this is. Even amidst the doubt I trust we are where we are supposed to be doing what we are supposed to be doing. I'll look back later with greater clarity. That's how it has worked before. So I guess I need to embrace this transition, and the rest of it that is coming in the future, hopefully with a little settledness in there here and there. Life is in the journey. If it is in the destination than I am not alive, just waiting to be.Jeff Hinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14866036217184683909noreply@blogger.com0